Knight In Black

Ch 2 The Dark Ages

Scars To Remind

A score ago days of stupidity
Lacking direction and identity
Lured to a world of living on the edge
Ways of good and bad creating a wedge
Living for the day feeling invincible
Adrenaline rush and uncontrollable
The fast cars and fast women at the gate
Running wild in a rebellious state
Season high 'til the piper comes calling
Spiraling downward the endless falling
The cigarette burns from elbow to wrist
Outbursts shattering windows with the fist
Whiskey bottles and lines of sugar cane
The serpent's venom running through the veins
C*cky bad *sses shoving, wanting war
My fist their head lying prone to the floor
Drinking frenzy as the beast within grows
Lurking in the valley of the shadows
Writhe upon the face and that grimace grin
The mirror reflects the monster within
How many nights living on a string
Neurotoxins from a scorpion sting
Feeling pins and needles, breath in distress

Lost and confused the heart is in duress
Darkness falls when happiness sleeps in
Deluge of tears when loneliness creeps in
Friends departing when the parties over
No one seems to care sleeping 'til sober
Jumping into the vehicle of careless life
Running from torment of the induced strife
Hitting the highway pressing full throttle
Hugging the turns and swigging the bottle
Cranking the tunes I am bad to the bone
Born to be wild while I drink alone
Self-pity and feelings of nothing to lose
Many clouded nights drinking demon juice
No one listening to the warning signs
Unable to unlock the chain that binds
Ears that don't hear cries of life's digressions
Like salt on the soul of open lesions
One night everyone standing around
The silent screams spoke when the knife sliced down
The blood spilling as sweat pours from the brow
While people wrap and press the arm in a towel
Eyes of bewilderment shocked at my choice
The act of self-betrayal as my voice
Seems so foolish when I look back in time
Rebellion from truth was my greatest crime
The imprints on the wrists serve to remind
Going wayward will imprison the mind
A person without vision will soon wane
Lessons learned from this self-inflicted pain

15 Hours Past

In the fall of nineteen eighty seven
Whiskey fried before reaching eleven
Consumed a whole fifth in three hours or less
Then shots of vodka not choosing to rest
Stumbling to my room crashing to the floor
As the viper struck venom to the core
The walls closing in, ceiling spinning round
Darkness encompasses in the ringing sound
A sudden visit from a man in white
Coming to see me like a thief in the night
Snatches souls before the serpent swallows
Rescuing those in the valley of shadows
"Tonight's not the night but time to repent
Turn from paths of darkness in self-torment
The ways of truth is not a mystery
Why does one choose to create misery?"
Just like he entered he vanished from sight
The eyes of my soul receiving new light
Spiraling back down to its earthly mesh
Regaining the feel of my blood and flesh
I woke from the cold floor fifteen hours past
Only by mercy not breathing my last

When Will the Sun Rise Again

I recall my childhood how each day came
When the sun shined bright deep into my soul
And the soft wind greeted me by name
Giving me vision to reach any goal

Then one dreary morn the sun did not shine
All my boyhood dreams changing to nightmares
All I treasured being choked by the vine
I feel hopeless and no one really cares

When I remember to what I once had
It gives me sorrow of things nevermore
Caught in teenage sins and the day's new fad
I lost my innocence, cut to the core

This is my world through a teenage view
Snagged in a crisis of identity
Stumbling on a path of what to pursue
Paying the price for my stupidity

If only again I'd hear the winds voice
And my soul would feel the sun shining bright
If only again I was given a choice
I'd fly with the wind and move with the light

The Severed Heart

Another night of being whiskey bent
To escape the monsters and their torment
Anger seething when mentioning that name
As it sliced his heart, life never the same
He grabbed his rifle and stormed for his truck
I wrestled him down before I was struck
The strands of life being scythed from his soul
The pain in his mind out of control
Two of us tangled as he screamed with rage
Wanting his revenge and to turn the page

I restrained my friend in tormenting thought
His heart ripped out as he struggled and fought
His fury ignited from the pain and torture
The need for revenge to quench this scorcher
He screamed with vengeance at the man roaming free
A man whose tongue taunted his family
A man whose heart oozed with evil hatred
Who spoke with vile and cursed what was sacred
A murderer, a demon, a putrid ghoul
A man who severed my friend's heart and soul

As I lied there to my friend's cries of sorrow
I wept in thought to that lost tomorrow
I pictured his sister in church with dad
Didn't understand then why she looked so sad
She was kneeling down streaming with tears
About my sisters age of sixteen years
Shortly thereafter heard she ran away
Gone nearly six months till found one day
Recall mom and dad whispering their fears
My mother kneeling down streaming with tears

Six years had passed since we lied in that lot
Before the court revealed the truth long sought
Many years ago when she vanished from sight
After lured from home into the dreary night
Evil found his place where he could have his thrill
Where he could beat and rape her against her will
And as she screamed and cried midst the violence
He bludgeoned her head to gain her silence
That pretty smile and innocent heart
Faded with silence sixteen years long apart

Yesterday I saw her brother, my friend
He seemed at peace that this came to an end
I looked again and I saw her smile
As he began to talk of her for awhile
"I remember her funny mischief acts
And those little pies she made for our snacks
I remember out back the cabin she made
As she lined her dolls as she sung and played
Today I can see her where she now dwells
As she waits for me singing with angels"

Blood Stained Wall

The name spoken driving to work today
Crossing time barriers in a ricochet
My mind flashes with haunting of his face
News causing my adrenaline to race
Recalling the day greeting at the door
The sunglasses and Army gear he wore
Antisocial, Rambo without a cause
Living a fantasy world without laws
Heavy trunk full of buck knives and switchblades
Sadist cartoons in mutilation shades
One of a teacher he knocked out in school
Several of students he claimed were cruel
I knew then there was something very odd
Powers of darkness becoming his God
A college roommate from the pits of hell
Awaiting the toll of the doomsday bell

One night as the demons clawed in his brain
He raged in fire my laughs drove him insane
He slammed my head into a cement wall
My skull flashing white as sounds became dull
Igniting my own fury as my fists flew
'til others stopped me coming to his rescue
When waters settled from the rushing flood
He entered my room painting walls with blood
He sat in the chair mouth drooling in red
Like a ogre that tore flesh from the dead
Staring into space looks of frozen grim
Repeating the words I dishonored him
His silent trance when I apologized
Branding my image forever despised
He vanished from school not seen thereafter
Haunted by the warped echo of laughter

Though I wondered about his sanity
'til today did not know his destiny
Last night while he sat in a small saloon
Indulging in beer and whiskey since noon
Four young folks joined him engulfing some ale
As he embellished his Marine detail
The amused four began to laugh and scoff
'til he enraged and suddenly took off
Returning in moments with his shot gun
He discharged blasts before any could run
Watching all die before leaving the bar
He went home with thoughts twisted and bizarre
Syntaxes of his mind poorly wired
Ending the rage with another shot fired
The memories of me that seared his brain
Scattered on the wall in fragments and stain

Swimming In The Drowning Hole

It has been a few years since we spoke last
I meant to stop and chat when driving past
But I didn't have time to talk that day
Not like years past when there was time to play
But when I heard that you were here tonight
I canceled my plans whatever the plight
It took awhile finding a parking spot
There were many Harleys filling the lot
Your friends seem suspect judging from their face
I look like a cop and feel out of place
Don't have tattoos or wear leather and black
My wallets not chained nor do I pack
Those days are history, I altered course
Decided its time to ride a new horse
Tired of the years being an outlaw
Nothing but despair in all that I saw
From time to time I wondered how you were
And if ever you would get it together
It is good to see your parents again
And your sister looks well, considering
Noticed your boy's appearance mirrors you
I cannot believe how much he has grew
Do you recall those days of yesteryear?
Nights sneaking out and stealing your dad's beer
Many childhood summers of running free
Three amigos being wild and crazy
Blowing up garbage cans with M-eighties
Or throwing them inside a nest of bees
Tossing snowballs at cars and then hiding
Or stealing my aunt's Buick for joyriding
Racing through the back roads and getting high
Adrenaline rush and death to defy
Older we got the more trouble we caused
Until my life changed the moment I paused
I'm not sure why you continued that road
Were you trapped by demons you couldn't unload?
Why didn't anyone stop your quick fix?
Slow pills and snake venom never did mix
Was you seeking peace on some distant star?
Or escaping earth for galaxy's afar
A heart in poverty and drowning hole
Is like feeding cyanide to the soul
I feel guilty not having words last week
There are so many things I wish to speak
I left you on a path with a dead end
I'll miss you brother, goodbye old friend

THOUGHT:

A foundation left unchecked gives refuge to termites. From the stealth of lowly places they enter inside the structure of our homes. For years we may never know of their existence until they slowly devour from the inside out and the walls come crumbling to the ground. False thoughts left unchecked crawl inside our brains. As long as we give them haven they will eventually devour the very fiber of our human existence.

When examining 90 percent of all crime, drug addiction, abuse, suicide and murder I have found two prominent schools of thought, the first being that the world revolves around "me" and second "I will never be content until I consume every particle of this vast universe". This "me" attitude leads to envy, jealousy, depression, bitterness and hatred. "The world owes me and until it pats up I will not be happy"; Once a termite consumes everything it dies from starvation.

There is only one thing that every human can equally share in and the more we share the larger it grows and more life it generates. But, in order to receive it we must first be able to deny ourselves and surrender it freely. You will never understand the true contentment of it until you have fully gave it away. If you don't know the answer to what you must give then me telling you is just vanity.

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